"Just as drinking pervades our culture, it diffused into my personality. I grew into my abuse, like the occasional tree you can find on a nature walk, its roots spilling over both sides of a boulder like outspread fingers, in spite of the rock's lack of soil, moisture, and stability. To see it only at the height of its maturity is to wonder: Why build on that?" ~ Koren Zailckas, Smashed

This blog is one of my many recovery efforts to uproot my damaged foundation and cultivate the right conditions for blossoming.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

my hometown hurricane heartbreak

My childhood neighborhood is ravaged.  As typical bulldog new yorkers, most of my family and friends refused to evacuate despite living steps from the ocean.  Growing up in long beach during the 70's and 80's, I saw quite a few hurricanes.  This one, sadly, is like no other.  The ocean and bay met and just covered the town.  Five feet of waves rolling down the main streets.  Despite a zillion efforts, my mother would NOT leave the house to stay with me in brooklyn, where I live on super high ground.  They got through the storm but now another mandatory evacuation is in effect because of contaminated water, no power, etc.  Days of checking in with everyone, keeping track of who is going where, hearing from more and more friends that have lost everything, and being trapped without subway access... well, I am just so exhausted.  Maybe this doesn't seem like it has anything at all to do with recovery, but it does.  I am present for this and feeling everyone's pain which is just so exhausting (in case you haven't felt another's pain in a while, check out videos/pics of the breezy point fires which destroyed 80 homes. So awful).  So, I haven't gotten to any meetings and have just started to realize I'm not handling this well and needed to share with a group of like-minded, like-spirited people.  Love to all...

4 comments:

  1. It is such a tradgedy and I'm so sorry for all and all those impacted have lost.

    This has EVERYTHING to do with recovery. As alcoholics this would have been the perfect time/excuse to get shit faced. How many people have I spoken to in the past few days that have said, "We're good...we've stocked the liquor cabinet and bought a case of wine." I have no response.

    Just remember to take it one minute at a time. I'm praying for you and yours.

    Sherry

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  2. Thank you so much, Sherry. You are SO right about how many of us would have used this as the perfect binge excuse. I had quite a few friends who stayed in town despite the warnings and held "hurricane parties". A few finally came to their senses and got out, but many stayed and were terrified throughout the storm. Though many lives were lost througout NYC, no one in long beach was harmed. Pure miracle.

    In the meantime... I am a wreck! Need to take some slow downtime. Thank you so much for reaching out.

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  3. I'm so sorry about the destruction to your hometown. It must be so heartbreaking. I hope you and your family find peace and heal from this horrific event.

    XO

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  4. I think you are just amazing. I always tell myself and others that without pain we wouldn't even recognize joy let alone appreciate it. You take it one step further, being present and engulfed in reality, sharing pain instead of numbing or ignoring the one thing booze boasts being a benefit. You are inspirational - thank you for everything you say to ksusier too, I think you have a lot to do with how far she has come.

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