I have a good friend... no, let me rephrase that... I have a friend who is so close to my heart he is like a brother to me, he is family, he is blood, and he is going through that special hell of knowing he is an alcoholic but unable to stop drinking. Though we grew up together here in new york city, he now lives in london so I am only able to help him through email, texting, and hopefully this blog.
I never get over how uncanny it is that alcoholics understand each other in a way that non-alcoholics (bless their lucky souls... and genes!) never can. I am sure he thinks he's completely crazy sometimes, with how difficult this is, how unreal it is to wake up and realize you truly have no control over your drinking and it's ravaging so much, so quickly, but I understand every single word he writes. Just like I understand all of you. Just today, I was having an absolutely awful work day. Thankfully, I resisted my ever-present desire to avoid a meeting and I went to one. Listened for an hour and slowly, so slowly but steadily, I heard more and more comments that resonated, that made me feel less alone, that reminded me I do not have normal coping mechanisms, I do not have normal decision making mechanisms, I am an alcoholic and have the right to take a time out and go easy on myself. I don't know about you, but I just love the slogans ~ take it easy, easy does it, one day at a time ~ gemstones in my pocket that I can just twirl between my fingers when I need them (which is more often than not).
Unfortunately for my friend, meetings in his neighborhood don't seem to be as available as here in meeting-on-every-block new york. But I know they must be elsewhere in london. And there are blogs, on-line meetings, all kinds of web recordings, web magazines and resources ~ what wonders technology has done for the recovery community! So, I will do my best to help my friend and I have all the faith in the world that he will get better and soon know the relief and the peace that sobriety can bring.
Wishing you all a peaceful evening... Lulu
My family is always amazed at how different I am when I come home from a meeting. I am usually humming, happy go lucky. They can't do this for me, only another room full of alcoholics can. We get each other, we never have to explain, we can truly be ourselves, that's the beauty of AA. Your friend I hope will be as lucky as we are, not too long ago I was in his shoes, and I thank God every day I no longer make that choice. He is lucky to have you in his life :)
ReplyDeleteI love your description of yourself after a meeting ~ I feel the same way right down to the humming! For me, there is nothing better than the humor that exists in meetings when we share stories that if mulled over in isolation would probably bring us to tears, but in a group it can become just flat-out hilarious. We may be ill-suited, at times, for managing our lives but we are never, ever boring! Fingers crossed that my friend will find his way to the recovery side of alcoholism very soon...
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