Omg, I had not idea the holidays were so stressful! Why has no one ever told me about this?
I always thought Christmas was the most blissful and amazing time of year ~ full of sparkly lights and glittery presents and stylish clothes. I couldn't believe it whenever I heard anyone complain. What a bunch of grinches, I thought. I was having a great time, thankyouverymuch, because it was "the most wonderful time of year" and... oh wait... because I was drinking lots and lots of wine. Ha! Right, it was wonderful because I was rocking a buzz all day, every day. Oh god.
After three years of sobriety (and three years of uber-stressful holidays. Coincidence? I think not.) I just realized that I never felt holiday anxiety because I was ALWAYS DRINKING!!! Why didn't any one warn me about the whole overwelming-sober-holiday experience? Wow. Quite a trip. Still, like many other aspects of my life, it's such a relief to realize that it's not just me. That I'm not crazy or incapeable or alone ~ this is part of getting sober. This is what it feels like to... well, to feel things. And I just need to let it wash over me - the stress, guilt, doubt, whatever - and find new tools to confront it all without falling apart. Oh, thank god for meetings. Thank god for a community of recovering alcoholics. And thank god I'm giving myself permission to NOT be an uber-chipper-holiday-cheerleader anymore. I'm allowed to have a mini-meltdown in whole foods, leave my overpriced organic groceries in line, and hop on the subway for home. (That was actually pretty liberating - I highly recommend it). I'm allowed to slightly fall apart when I haven't pulled together a gift for my amazingly tolerant and supportive husband (I'm getting there on this one). I'm also allowed to take sick days from work when desperately need some quiet down-time (three cheers for working in the flexible world of higher education).
Okay, that's all for now. If anyone has tips for getting through the holidays with some kind of calm joy, please share! Have a great night, all...
Last year was my first sober Christmas and yes, it was stressful. This year, despite numerous things going on in my life, I'm calm. I'm enjoying the season. Nothing has overwhelmed me, I have no reason why, but perhaps it has to deal with the huge amount of growth I have let myself experience in the last six months. I opened up my fists, and let go. I cut myself a huge amount of slack, and I'm not sweating the small stuff. This season is so plagued by pressure and expectations and for once I've chosen not to buy into it. One thing I always do when I go to parties, is leave early. If the noise level climbs, it's an indicator that too much alcohol is flowing. I've had enough drunkalogue from other people, and it's a sign that it's time to leave. I also remind myself that I will wake up fresh and not with a hangover, and that is a huge incentive for staying sober. I also say the serenity prayer, and count my blessings, it helps keep the perspective. I think you will be just fine :)
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