"Just as drinking pervades our culture, it diffused into my personality. I grew into my abuse, like the occasional tree you can find on a nature walk, its roots spilling over both sides of a boulder like outspread fingers, in spite of the rock's lack of soil, moisture, and stability. To see it only at the height of its maturity is to wonder: Why build on that?" ~ Koren Zailckas, Smashed

This blog is one of my many recovery efforts to uproot my damaged foundation and cultivate the right conditions for blossoming.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

My birthday eve is great because...

...I am sober!  How blissful is that?  I'm actually NOT spending a birthday indluging in pseudo-romantic illusions about my life.  Instead, I am just living it.  The difficult parts (Where am I going in my career? How do I create more solid friendships? When will I ever learn how to manage money?!) and the blissful parts (adoring my son, loving my husband, relishing my garden, treasuring my photography, ever and always loving my beloved brooklyn home). 

I love that my 40's are sober.  I am treasuring every minute of this decade (43 tomorrow!) and I am deeply grateful to everyone in meetings, writing recovery books, and creating recovery blogs for inspiring me each and every day...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Why do I post so rarely? Because my sober ass is LAZY!!!

Okay, so I believe in blogging for recovery so much that I read all of you all the time, tell other people in recovery about sober blogs, and write "start updating my blog" on my daily to do list as often as I write "stop eating all that chocolate after 10pm".  (I am eating chocolate right now.  It is 10:04pm)

So why don't I do this more often?  Well, because I'm too busy intellectualizing why I don't do this more often, of course.  After all, I'm an ALCOHOLIC!  So, naturally, I live in my head where all kinds of productive things happen, like passionate inner debates about why it's taken over a decade to start seriously finishing an old thesis, whether my desire to lose four more pounds is a replacement addiction (ummm... I am a size zero.), or why I truly love AA but still don't commit to a sponsor or do the steps.  See? It's a flippin party of productivity up there. 

So, here I am trying to break out of my isolationist-recovery shell, after far too many years in an isolationsist-active alcohlic shell.  One post a day starting now!  Even if it's only mildly entertaining versus the I-know-you-are-falling-out-of-your-chair laughing entertaining.  (Oh, is that just in my head too?)

Sober hugs to all!  ~ Lulu