"Just as drinking pervades our culture, it diffused into my personality. I grew into my abuse, like the occasional tree you can find on a nature walk, its roots spilling over both sides of a boulder like outspread fingers, in spite of the rock's lack of soil, moisture, and stability. To see it only at the height of its maturity is to wonder: Why build on that?" ~ Koren Zailckas, Smashed

This blog is one of my many recovery efforts to uproot my damaged foundation and cultivate the right conditions for blossoming.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Why do I post so rarely? Because my sober ass is LAZY!!!

Okay, so I believe in blogging for recovery so much that I read all of you all the time, tell other people in recovery about sober blogs, and write "start updating my blog" on my daily to do list as often as I write "stop eating all that chocolate after 10pm".  (I am eating chocolate right now.  It is 10:04pm)

So why don't I do this more often?  Well, because I'm too busy intellectualizing why I don't do this more often, of course.  After all, I'm an ALCOHOLIC!  So, naturally, I live in my head where all kinds of productive things happen, like passionate inner debates about why it's taken over a decade to start seriously finishing an old thesis, whether my desire to lose four more pounds is a replacement addiction (ummm... I am a size zero.), or why I truly love AA but still don't commit to a sponsor or do the steps.  See? It's a flippin party of productivity up there. 

So, here I am trying to break out of my isolationist-recovery shell, after far too many years in an isolationsist-active alcohlic shell.  One post a day starting now!  Even if it's only mildly entertaining versus the I-know-you-are-falling-out-of-your-chair laughing entertaining.  (Oh, is that just in my head too?)

Sober hugs to all!  ~ Lulu
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5 comments:

  1. Mrs DApril 18, 2012 at 9:18 PM

    hugs back xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Linda B.April 19, 2012 at 1:15 PM

    Lulu...you are an eloquent writer! I hope you will continue to write as often as you can. I've found that it helps me heal. I've done a lot of stupid stuff in my life and writing about helps me to forgive myself. Linda

    ReplyDelete
  3. LuluApril 19, 2012 at 7:22 PM

    Thank you both ~ oh, it feels so good to be connecting through writing again!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. October O NineApril 19, 2012 at 7:56 PM

    No, this post IS funny as hell and I can relate to all of it (except the size 0! Hello, jealous over here! I'm no fatty but I'd kill to be a size 0!)

    Glad you're back! You were missed!

    XO

    ReplyDelete
  5. The Act of Returning to NormalMay 4, 2012 at 2:29 PM

    I'm where you are. Wanting to write. Thinking about writing. And then facing a blank page when I finally, actually sit down to write. I'm hoping to get my words back soon.

    Can totally relate to the size zero. Was just thinking the other day that I feel like a tight-size-zero and I liked the loose size zero better. Also thinking that tight-size-zero will instantly produce a 20 pound weight gain... blah blah. GOD.

    ReplyDelete

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