chocolate and chick-flicks

Hubby on martial arts biz trip in south america, little one at grandma's for the weekend, and omg i am in our lovely home ALONE! 

I've spent oodles of time alone.  I have travelled alone, lived in many apartments alone, and mistakenly thought this all meant I was good at being alone.  Oh, sure ~ I was the model of independence. Sitting solo in my various urban kitchenettes with a bottle of wine (okay, two) and  journels that never actually got filled with insightful and hilarious words of the next great american novel (surprise, surprise).  I can't believe I always thought I was so content - blissed out, even - in my solitary life while drinking myself into oblivion.  I never had enough un-buzzed time to recognize the perpetual anxiety, doubt, avoidance, and damage that I was pushing down with each sip.

So here I sit, just barely four years sober, and what a different experience.  I can let myself miss my boys and be okay with the feeling of lonliness.  Then I can curl up on the couch with some chocolate (come on, I can't give up everything), watch "The Devil Wears Prada" (yes, I can now admit this without shame!), and feel genuinely happy.  No over-the-moon-wine-fueled euphoria, no raging dispair ~ just normal, balanced happiness.  Who knew how nice an ordinary night at home alone could be?

A sober evening to all... xoxo, lulu